I've Been Stuck
Book lists. Trip reports. Bad poetry. Podcasts.
I’ve been stuck. One of my biggest personal goals of the last few years has been to do more writing and sharing on this platform. Yet, I’ve done (next to) nothing.
I’ve, perhaps ironically, written endless notes, reminders, screeds, and personal admonishments about procrastinating writing - but somehow I never get to the actual writing.
I recently searched the quip, attributed to Dorthy Parker, “I hate writing but I love having written.” and found a sentiment that much better mirrors my own in a Reddit thread about the quote.
“Actually, both writing and having written are pretty great. It’s the getting to writing that kills me.”
So here it is. I started again. Let me know what you want to see more or less of from me. Thanks for bearing with me and following along.
Antarctica
[Written in December]
It’s been two weeks of land locked life in North America and I’m just beginning to feel the magnitude of our Antarctic adventure.
As the days at home roll on, the frenetic energy of novel and mind-blowing experiences begin to yield to a calmer and much grander sweep of a spectacular place now forever cemented in our shared memories. The adrenaline and endorphins of travel have settled into reflection - motifs begin to reveal themselves.
The drama of big swell in the Drake Passage - 30 foot seas rocked the massive steel hull until our minds melded into the motion. The energy of the sea permeated life aboard the ship.
The wildlife – Penguins, whales, leopard seals, arctic turns, skua, and giant albatross graced our daily lives. Glacier crossings, high speed zodiac rides around icebergs, and ripping turns were all punctuated by sightings of exotic polar creatures.
The colors! At first glance the landscape seemed a sea of monochromatic texture but a closer look, amongst the edges of the continent, revealed a range of blues that stretched the limits of their hue – a sprawling spectrum from the deepest indigo to a vivid, almost neon, aqua
Each day we ate in a communal setting, digesting the sights and events of the previous day and preparing for whatever the southern ice might have in store for us later. After food we bundled our gear and loaded zodiacs piloted by PhDs – mostly researchers taking advantage of a paid gig and passage to the continent.
The skiing exceeded expectations – a solid mix of perfect corn, spring slush, and maritime powder interrupted with a spare few turns on sastrugi or ice. Overheard at dinner, “The skiing is surprisingly good but the standing-and-looking-at-stuff is world f@#ing class”.
Looking back on our 5 days floating on the edges of the southern continent, I’m struck by both the depth and power of the remote beauty and how fleeting our glimpse. I’m left awestruck, full of energy, and wanting more.
Some Thoughts On Parenting (so far)
I’m still struggling to clarify and codify my complex swirl of emotions around parenthood. An air of incredulity is the first thing I encounter when reflecting on any of it - “I am a parent? How the fuck did that happen?!”. Of course, I learned the technicalities of the thing sometime around the 3rd grade (though I’ve since learned that most of the mechanics described to me were not entirely accurate), it makes no sense that any of it applies to me and whatever sense of self, continuous through time, is still linked to that 3rd grader.
The rest is a complex cocktail of love, pride, and deep reverent awe. I had always held the vague feeling that every parent in history who proclaims the joy of raising these tiny dictators must be either delusional or a liar. Turns out I was probably wrong. Every cliche about not truly understanding love before you have kids or that it’s like your heart is living outside your body now rings true and is keenly felt.
I have an irrepressible urge to show every dumb photo of Josette to strangers who definitely don’t really give a shit. I want to hear about other people’s parenting experiences and share in the awe, frustration, exhaustion, and beauty of it all. I give unsolicited parenting advice and have increased my quotient of dad-jokes. I drop every semblance of dignity or social inhibition in search of a smile or a giggle. I unabashedly narrate every minute detail of life in public for the benefit of Jo’s language acquisition. I’m settling into this parenting thing. Also I think maybe toddlers are objectively less terrible than babies.
PS. I also have the most amazing partner in the world and was able to ski something like 25 days in Feb this year… so that helps.
2022/23 Book List
Ok. I’ve ranked these in order of how much I enjoyed them and/or how much impact they had on my life and my thinking. I tried to keep my reviews for this context under 10 words. Maybe I’ll go deeper if people seem interested. Please hit me up to shoot the shit about any of these.
Bewilderment - Richard Powers - Simple but deep story that hit home for me. Book of the year.
Cloud Cuckoo Land - Anthony Doer - Beautiful woven tales. Best ending ever.
Gentleman in Moscow - Amor Towles - Perfectly written fun/frightening tale of Stalinist Russia.
I Am A Strange Loop - Douglas Hofstadter - Best book on consciousness I’ve read.
Slaughterhouse 5 - Vonnegut - Formative for me. Just as good on the re-read.
The Death of Ivan Illiach - Tolstoy - Tolstoy’s power to illuminate the human condition is mind-blowing.
Giovanni’s Room - James Baldwin - Simple, beautiful, heartbreaking.
Novacene - James Lovelock - A book about superintelligence written by a NASA engineer at age 100.
Flowers for Algernon - Daniel Keyes - Way better read as an adult.
The Storyteller - Dave Grohl - Extremely fun to follow a life of rock.
Green Lights - Mathew McConaughey - Fun read. Few good nuggets.
The Creative Act - Rick Ruben - Deep thinking on creativity.
Principles - Ray Dalio - Tons of awesome framework for thinking about work.
Chris Kalman - As Above, So Below - Heartbreaking but beautiful.
The Mind’s I by Denette and Hofstadter - Still working through these ideas.
After the Fall - Ben Rhodes - Depressing but poignant
Midlife - Kieran Setiyq - Great framework for philosophy on midlife issues.
Foundation - Issac Asimov - Classic but def. won’t finish series.
Fire Upon the Deep - Verner Vinge - Woah… crazy ride but not my style of scifi.
The Silence - Don DeLillo - Simple and sparse.
On Having No Head - Douglas Harding - Started great then went sideways.
Hiking with Nietzsche - Annoying, pretentious, boring with some interesting Nietzsche factoids.
The Public Works - 2022 Year in Review
For those of you that aren’t on my work email list, here is a summary of what we’ve been up to. Lots in there - Snow dogs, float planes, rodeo stars, and an update on our Pontiac Aztec named HZNBRG.
Podcasts
Despite all the bummers derived from late stage capitalism and a tech revolution… I’m incredibly grateful to live in a time when we get to spend hours listening to interesting intimate conversations with the greatest minds of our era. Here are a few that I found valuable, interesting, and/or entertaining.
Andre’s vulnerability and uncertainty on display is fascinating and humbling.
Sturgill is such an interesting dude with a way more unexpected path than I would have guessed.
Demis is a hero. Solving protein folding and then open sourcing the tech is gangster af.
I also read Kieran’s book and found it both interesting and valuable.
Thanks again for following along. I’m going to do my best to pick up the pace from one email per year. I’d love your feedback on what you like and what you could live without. Hope everyone is finding joy, awe, and fulfillment in life! Love you all.
I always enjoying hearing about your adventures and checking out your book recommendations! Also, dude congrats on being a dad and welcome to the club!