The last post on my decision to delete scrolling apps from my phone struck a nerve. Messages poured in.
-“I've been feeling so drained and tired and out of touch with myself.”
-“I noticed SO much time wasted scrolling and looking at other people’s lives… such an absolute garbage use of our precious time.”
-“My daughter is grounded from her phone and I see her so much more engaged with EVERYTHING.”
Many of us seem to be on parallel paths, struggling to find meaning and clarity in a world designed to exploit our attention for profit rather than maximize meaning. A few readers shared that the last post here was the final nudge they needed to take similar action.
Thank you to everyone who engaged and shared your own journey. We’re in this together.
Tiny Alarms
A month in, I have not added any apps back onto my phone. My craving to scroll instagram specifically has completely abated. I’m more present more of the time. I don’t feel daily pangs of self hatred after each blackhole of scroll.
Life is too complex to draw clean lines of cause and effect - was it quitting Instagram that made me happier and more productive last week or am I just sleeping better? That said, I have definitely managed to find more time to pour into personal creative projects; I have been reading more, and meditating more.
Perhaps most importantly, I’ve turned the mid-day phone craving moments into tiny mindfulness alarms where I’m able to take a few moments to check in and reset. Unfortunately, my pocket still feels heavy with the powerful portal beckoning me to touch it, to stare into its alluring light. I feel the niggling urge to dig into my pocket and look at… literally anything on its shiny screen.
A mental alarm rings. I know there’s nothing waiting for me. Just a screen that makes me dumber, less present, less available to those around me and to myself. I resist and try to return to anything real: my breath, the texture of the wall, the tension I didn’t realize I was holding in my face. Usually I’m filled with the small gratitudes of mindfulness.
Sometimes what’s waiting there on the other side of the craving is less pleasant - a worry, or a regret. I do my best to notice, welcome, and sit with those thoughts or feelings as well.
Or, I don’t. Then I scroll the same mediocre photos in my photo roll I’ve seen a hundred times, or check the Strava feed, and then feel shitty about myself. But I let the regret quickly pass and try to do a little better the next time.
Not a Fair Fight
A friend asked my thoughts on self-regulating small doses of social media. His main concern, one I’m also struggling with, is his need to use the apps to promote his brands and how quickly that can slip into the mindless scroll.
For me, self-regulation of mobile social apps is not possible. It’s a real addiction and I think it needs to be treated as such. Actually, it’s worse—it’s an addiction engineered by a multi billion dollar industry full of brilliant people actively incentivized to keep you from quitting. It’s not a fair fight and you shouldn’t chastise yourself for a lack of personal willpower.
A Line In The Sand
The best solution I’ve personally found is to only use these apps on a desktop interface. If I go to IG or LinkedIn to post something for my business, I’ll occasionally find myself scrolling for a few extra minutes, or sucked into a rabbit hole I hadn’t anticipated. But it’s usually short lived, easier to break away from, and it’s not happening 20 times a day. It’s also not happening WHILE I’m playing with my kids or lying in bed with Britt.
That small shift—removing social apps from your phone and only using them on desktop—might seem minor, but it’s a meaningful line in the sand. As Jonathan Haidt points out in The Anxious Generation, the problem isn’t necessarily social media itself, it’s the phone. Rates of teen anxiety, depression, and self-harm stayed relatively steady through the rise of the internet, but after smartphones and mobile social media took off around 2010–2012, those numbers skyrocketed. Among girls ages 10–14, self-harm rates rose by over 150%, and suicide attempt hospitalizations nearly doubled in the following decade.
Haidt notes, “Gen Z became the first generation in history to go through puberty with a portal in their pockets that called them away from the people nearby and into an alternative universe that was exciting, addictive, unstable.”
I think it’s the same for us. Keeping them off your phone makes a real difference.
This is still an experiment—one small, imperfect attempt to reclaim our attention, and thus our lives, back from corporate clutches. I’m heartened by the response to this post, work from people like Jonathan Haidt and news of states going phone free in classrooms.
If you’ve found tools, workarounds, or moments of clarity on this path, I’d love to hear. We’re all in this together.
The Way
Since most of this newsletter is about how technology is destroying us, I figured I’d also share something beautiful I’ve found on my phone recently. Henry Shukman’s app The Way is the best meditation/mindfulness app I’ve ever tried.
The Way is structured as a progression of meditations in sequence. You can’t jump ahead. There are no confusing menus or alternate paths. No meditations for people avoiding doing the dishes. It’s a simple day by day practice that leads to the deep important insights shared in most Zen and Buddhist contemplative traditions - non-duality, selflessness, emptiness.
As someone who’s been studying this stuff for 20+ years, I had an inclination to try to skip ahead to the “deep stuff”. I would have if the app allowed it. But, working my way through the steps, I discovered so many building blocks I had missed on my own path.
I can’t recommend it enough.
Flutes and Piano Sketches
In a past post I shared this Rick Ruben interview with André 3000. I was struck by the vulnerability, insecurity, and directionless shared by one of the most famous and respected MCs of all time.
This follow up interview is a wonderful dose of optimism. It seems André has managed to find his way, his art, and comfort in his own skin. Such a beautiful story of a wild artistic pivot and what can come from dropping expectations - from others and from yourself - and following the creative winds - wherever they blow.
I recently had a beautiful midnight walk to André’s 7 Piano Sketches and thoroughly enjoyed their playful emotive rawness.
Thanks again for following!
I love hearing from you all. Also, as always, a gentle nudge to share if you know anyone that might be interested.
Sending everyone all my love and well-wishes.
I love this so much. I’ve been taking baby steps toward this goal for a while, and what a good idea to use the desktop versions rather than the apps.